Snark Bite #1

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This will be a (certainly) regular list of things that annoy me. My pet peeves, observations, etc., that will become unwitting victims of my deadly snark bite.
So, Snark Bite #1:
 Dear coworkers: I see you every day. I spend more time with you than with my sweet boyfriend and my even sweeter cat. As this is something I can't rectify at this point in time, why do you feel it necessary to engage in elaborate greeting rituals, as if I hadn't seen you for years, as if I believed you actually cared to see me, even though I saw you less than 12 hours ago and nothing much has changed since then?
Does this make me a cynical, hateful git? No, just efficient. I already feel like work is just one long, perpetually continuating day. I don't feel the need to repeat the same innane, meaningless phrases or repeat the same tired motions when things are already so mundane it is at times difficult to remember if something happened last week or last month. The INFJ in me finds such small talk exhausting and unnatural.
Of course, I will say "Hi" or "what's up". I'm not utterly evil. But, dear coworker, when someone asks how you are, must you reply "every day's a good day"? Is it, really? I admit I'm struck with some sort of blind, nauseating hatred at that phrase. Perhaps partly because I am too cyncial to believe that this is always the case, and partly because it would be nice to actually believe that myself, and if you really mean it, then damn you, I'm jealous. I am so utterly ready to begin a phase of my life where I hop out of bed in the morning like someone in a jacked-up coffee commericial, yell "hot diggity dog!" and start my day with unbridled glee because I am doing something that engages, enriches, and empowers me. If that is how you really feel, in this place, then more power to you. But must you rub it in my face? I will continue to say "hi" when you say "good morning" because, for me, it may not be a bad day, it could certainly be worse, but I believe in the deepest recesses of my heart that it could be soooo much better. Until then, knock it off. Thank you, sincerely, Liber Vix.


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