I Don't Like This Trend Much...

What is it with me and finding out people died via Facebook? Today I saw on my grade school's Facebook page that one of my classmates died in a car crash last week. Granted, I haven't seen this person in about 15 years, but it still sucks. He was nice to me, and not many people back then were. He also gave me one my top compliments. One day in the 8th grade, during some quiet study time in class, I let a few classmates read from my
 ever-present notebook of poetry. He read some, then looked intently at me and in a very serious, non-8th grade boy way, said "damn, you're deep." For a second it was almost like he saw something good in me and understood me, and I was accustomed to being extremely misunderstood. It made me happy for days, and I never forgot it.

The last time I heard that someone died via Facebook, it was in 2009. That time it was the boyfriend I'd had right before I met G, and I hadn't had many, so he was important. He had died at 30 of a heart attack, and he had also given me one of my top compliments. He had once told me I was a mystery in the religious sense. I wasn't quite sure what he meant, because pretty much everything was religious with him and it was one of the key reasons we didn't work out. But the way he said it made him sound like he really got me. That he understood that there was a lot more to me than most people were privy to, that I didn't let many people in. Classic INFJ, that's me.

I guess when things like that happen, I'm reminded of my own mortality. That the people in my past, my memory, seem immortal in a way and by extension, a part of myself as well. So it's jarring and humbling to find a link in the chain of my life suddenly missing, suddenly empty. A reminder that another one of the few people in the world who knew me, even in such a fleeting and brief way, has fallen into nothingness, and I am one step closer to being forgotten. It makes me miss the few that are left out there that much more. I wish I could bridge that gap, fix it all somehow. But that's just a wish. So goodbye, J, thanks for reading my morose and self-indulgent poetry; it meant more than you'll ever know.

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  1. I joined Facebook a few months ago, and have found out things I wish I didn't know. The deaths of old friends and the fact that my old love lives in the same town as I do. How crazy is that? He's now married and doesn't know we live in the same town (I just happened to look him up on FB and saw his location).

  2. It is quite the conundrum, isn't it? It can be so tempting to open doors that with all this technology are all too easy to open, and sometimes you're presented with information that you never went looking for or expected in the first place, and it's even more jarring when it's delivered through such static and often impersonal means as social media. And then, once you know, what do you do with that knowledge? Sometimes, ignorance is bliss. But then again, knowledge is power. Ah, those conflicting, comforting cliches fail us again!


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